A Very Butcher-von Eschen Halloween – Week Three
The incredible Jonathan Butcher (author of What Good Girls Do, The Children at the Bottom of the Gardden, The Chocolateman, and other stories) and I–having a joint love of things dark and spooky and to celebrate the upcoming Halloween holiday ALL MONTH LONG–are watching a short horror film every day of October. Below we react to our third week’s watches.
Oct 15th – Childer
Jonathan Butcher: An irritable, borderline-bitch of a mum tries to keep her endearing dork of a young kid out of trouble. A great atmosphere and effective acting can’t save this one from the pitfall that most of these stories fall into: a disappointing conclusion.
There was one point towards the end when I believe that both Michelle and I became legitimately angry at the same time, which is a shame because it had felt up until then like a disconcerting domestic-folk horror.
Three and a half sledgehammered kneecaps out of five.
Rated: 3.5/5
Michelle von Eschen: Freaky fairytale-esque short that is beautifully filmed and edited with an unsettling concept that seems to make some sense, but also leaves a few things unanswered.
Rated: 4/5
Oct 16th – Zebra
JB: I liked this one. Two likable old biddies wander through the darkness marked by blood, searching for something.
The two elderly protagonists made me chuckle, and the ridiculous reveal made me laugh even harder. As Michelle pointed out though, there was a pretty lame segment of editing and an unfortunately nonsensical conclusion. However, I found the story and the main characters amusing enough to keep me entertained.
Three point seven-five festering pustules out of five.
Rated: 3.75/5
MvE: Surprising and fun, but poor editing during a certain scene reminded me I was watching something fake. Perhaps it was an intentional choice to add to the silliness?
Rated: 3.5/5
Oct 17th – Human Form
JB: In a world where only a twisted form of perfection is acceptable, one “normal” girl seeks treatment for her unforgivably natural appearance.
I wanted the horror of this dystopian-style tale to be increased, but it was still shot beautifully and some of the imagery was truly unsettling.
Four staked innocents out of five.
Rated: 4/5
MvE: Social commentary through body horror, but another one where the ending was a bit of a letdown. Those faces will haunt me though. Incredible treatment.
Rated: 4.5/5
Oct 18th – Mr. Creak
JB: The format and idea was fantastic, and the atmosphere intense in a haunted house, spookshow kind of way. However, the final reveal had all the terror of a whoopie cushion.
Like Michelle’s succinct comments, there’s not much else to say here.
Three impotent necrophiles out of five.
Rated: 3/5
MvE: Amazing concept, but a shit ending. Not much else to say without giving things away.
Rated: 3/5
Oct 19th – The Strange Things About the Johnsons
JB: Oof. This one may be slightly rough around the edges compared to Ari Aster’s more recent Hereditary and Midsommar, but the taboo familial dynamics he explores here hit hard. This is the kind of horror that appals me: not the horror of ghosts and ghoulies, but the horror of humanity, and of justifying its abominations.
If any of these films require a trigger warning – that is, unless we decide to watch the infamous Aftermath – it’s this one. It’s shot well, the dialogue and acting is strong, and the situation distressing, believable, and concluded in a satisfying way.
Four and three-quarters dismembered ostriches out of five (only the head of the final one is missing).
Rated: 4.75/5
MvE: This one is the heaviest and most real short we’ve watched. I was impressed by the acting. The true horror of this is perhaps how devastating staying silent can be. Watch and you’ll understand.
Rated: 4.5/5
Oct 20th – Banana Motherfucker
JB: This. Is. My. Shit. The plot? Irrelevant: this is a film about bananas that murder you.
It’s one of the silliest comedy gorefests I’ve seen in years, and plays out like a fruit-based Bad Taste. It made me laugh throughout, and when it had finished, I was still giggling and needed a minute or two to compose myself.
Glorious.
Five auto-cannibalised ass-steaks out of five.
Rated: 5/5
MvE: Over-the-top gore plus a hilarious concept made this short a pleasure to view. A great palate cleanser that still satisfies the horror craving. Most creative kills I’ve ever seen.
Rated: 5/5 because of the bulldog. 4.5/5 otherwise
Oct 21st – The Jigsaw
JB: A silly bearded sod deliberately ignores a creepy shopkeeper’s warning and purchases an unusual jigsaw puzzle.
I quite liked this one. It looked great and had the pacing and acting quality of a non-indie feature. Michelle (or I, or a combined effort of the two – I forget) guessed most of the ending, but that’s okay; we’re horror writers, so it’s how our brains work. However, an extra little cherry-on-the-top twist satisfied me. I felt that with an extra little flourish or two, this one could have been one of our Halloween favourites, but even without those, I thought it was great.
Four inappropriately-touching poltergeists out of five.
Rated: 4/5
MvE: Beautiful settings and the puzzle was well made. However character inconsistencies frustrated me and I felt like if only one decision or another was changed, the plot issues could have been fixed.
Rated: 3.75/5
Jonathan Butcher (author of What Good Girls Do, The Children at the Bottom of the Gardden, The Chocolateman, and other stories) and I–having a joint love of things dark and spooky and to celebrate the upcoming Halloween holiday ALL MONTH LONG–are watching a short horror film every day of October. Below we react to the second week’s watches.
Oct 8th – Don’t Look Away
Jonathan Butcher: When a strange figure appears in a girl’s garden, her father warns her to keep watching it without breaking her gaze, even for a moment.
I dug this one, because I have a soft spot for horror gimmicks that involve simple rules for summoning, surviving, or defeating a monster. It looked pretty good, despite the creature seeming to be based on Batman’s Scarecrow, and the acting wasn’t bad either.
Apart from a couple of logic issues, I’ll give this a strong 3.5 botched endoscopies out of 5.
Rated: 3.5/5
Michelle von Eschen: I liked this one because it doesn’t rely on shadows for scares and even the most natural, harmless thing such as blinking or going about your day as you might normally can be the end of your life. I would have enjoyed it better if they spent more time focusing on what a struggle it is to keep our eyes focused on one thing for an extended period of time.
Bad guy looks a bit like a roughed up murderer from The Strangers.
Cool mini-twist involving the father.
Rated: 3/5
Oct 9th – Vicious
JB: Is it a haunting? Is it a monster? Wtf is going on?
This featured some of the best acting I’ve seen in a short horror film, and the lead actress was perfect in her role. Some neat storytelling tricks and a dread-inducing atmosphere made this one of the stronger offerings of our Halloween batch so far.
I could also forgive this one for not explaining the proceedings in too much detail due to the fantastic pacing and excellent performances. 4 extracted fingernails out of 5.
Rated: 4/5
MvE: Really cool camera choices. This was one of the few so far that made me cover my eyes. I also think we both jumped at one point.
Rated: 4/5 as well.
Oct 10th – Mama
JB: Two little girls encounter a terrifying spectre – and not for the first time.
This has to be one of the creepiest creature designs I’ve ever seen, so while there isn’t much plot or information, the set-up, the kids’ acting, the atmosphere, and the grotesque apparition are all excellent.
It’s less than 3 minutes long, and I encourage you to check it out, as well as the creature test footage. Brilliant: 4.5 eldritch monstrosities out of 5.
Rated: 4.5/5
MvE: I saw this short years ago and the way Mama moves still makes me uncomfortable. Years later, I still haven’t seen anything come close to that terrifying, unnatural fluidity, except perhaps the apparitions in Crimson Peak. A unique and truly frightening concept. Thank goodness they made an entire movie featuring this motherly monster!
Rated: 5/5
Oct 11th – The Itch
JB: A woman develops a rash that leads to devastation.
As the title suggests, this body horror is likely to lead you to scratching your skin, starting gently and building to a nasty climax.
I was left wishing that the relationship between the two partners had been better developed, because this one could have carried a weighty impact if there was some chemistry and if the dialogue revealed a little more about their backstory.
I really wanted to like this one, and I feel like a few script tweaks and some ickier effects could’ve made this a winner. 3 dead skunks out of 5.
Rated: 3/5
MvE: I was taken by only one thing in this short and that was the use of the color Yellow. Acting was weak and some of the decisions the characters made didn’t make sense for the supposed timeline. The writer(s) really missed an opportunity to explore a double-meaning and their characters more.
Rated: 2/5
Oct 12th – Stuck
JB: Two buddies get intimately attached.
This was the worst, most pestilent dollop of dogshite that has ever blemished my laptop – and that screen has witnessed some atrocities, trust me.
Whoever wrote this visual STI needs a lobotomy, in the hope that they somehow gain intelligence as a result. And don’t even get me started on the lanky, goggle-eyed, long-haired bollock-tumour acting alongside the statuesque red-haired Chad behind him.
However, despite these minor flaws I’m giving it a triumphant 5 blood-stained wooden stakes out of 5.
Rated: 5/5
MvE: I’m a pretty big fan of comedic horror (Shaun of the Dead, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, Cabin in the Woods, etc…) and though this short isn’t horror-heavy, it’s still about a horrific situation in which two friends find themselves, together. Very, very…together.
I honestly can’t recall the last time a short made me laugh so much while also fulfilling my dark cravings for bloody, on-screen brutality.
An intelligent, well-acted script rounded out the side-splitting, gross humor.
Rated: 5/5
Oct 13th – The Armoire
JB: A woman buys an armoire that may contain more than dust and clothes.
It’s a slow build-up but the gradual pacing helps build an eerie atmosphere and that leads to some effectively subtle editing with regards to the creature. There’s a tense sequence towards the end, but despite decent acting, creepy imagery, and grear sound design, the lack of explanation and the pedestrian finale worked against this one. It’s another short film that suffers from having no explanation, a typical structure, and a predictable climax.
A not-bad 3 oozing lacerations out of 5.
Rated: 3/5
MvE: This is another short that disappointed me and leaves too much for the viewer to figure out (and none of my solutions addressed every problem either). A few moments spooked me, but the terror was short-lived and the only thing that still haunts me is my confusion over the concept.
Rated: 2.5/5 but only because the wood of the armoire was cool. 2/5 otherwise.
Oct 14th – Intruders
JB: Two short stories with very little explanation. They look fantastic, and the short about a boy who witnesses something terrible through his telescope contained about 30 seconds of raw, chilling terror; no exaggeration. It left me wanting more – much more – and I wish the aforementioned telescope tale was linked to a full film.
Stunning to look at and hideous to behold, while this one suffered from a lack of story I was impressed enough by the central story (and Michelle’s lovely but horrified face witnessing it) that it gets a firm 4 possessed llamas out of 5.
Rated: 4/5
MvE: These two interesting quiet horror shorts explore (both in several ways) the idea of intrusion. I would have preferred the first tale wasn’t split in two, thereby sandwiching the stronger story.
The second story blew my mind with its terror and I so badly want it lengthed to a full script, though I’m not sure how. It made me uncomfortable in a similar way that It Follows did on its first viewing, but ten times over.
Rated: 4/5 also because of the inconsistent storytelling, but beautiful cinematography.
Jonathan Butcher (author of What Good Girls Do, The Children at the Bottom of the Gardden, The Chocolateman, and other stories) and I–having a joint love of things dark and spooky and to celebrate the upcoming Halloween holiday ALL MONTH LONG–are watching a short horror film every day of October. Below we react to the first week’s watches.
Oct 1st – Smiling Woman
Jonathan Butcher: This film felt more like a proof of concept and directorial abilities than a story, and showed a woman being haunted cat-and-mouse-style by the titular lady. It was kinda creepy, but showed me nothing I hadn’t already seen a million times before and in a million better ways.
I need story, structure, characterisation, and stylistic finesse… or if not any of those, then a swampload of gore and maybe some boobs (sorry Michelle).
I give this one skull out of a possible five bony craniums.
Rated: 1/5
Michelle von Eschen: The concept creeped me out far more than its execution. Unnaturally moving ghosts/demons/monsters scare me, but that’s about all this short offered. The thumbnail for the video gives away too much.
Rated: 1/5 for me as well.
Oct 2nd – Still Life
JB: Now, I’d seen this one before and it’s one of my favourite short horror films, and shows a tired driver making an unwise pit stop in a town perpetuated solely by mannequins. I think it’s genuinely unsettling and has a bleak yet dreamlike atmosphere that really works for me. And that gut-punch, kick-you-when-you’re-down-and-stomp-on-your-genitals ending? Hell yeah.
Four blood splotches out of five.
Rated: 4/5
MvE: I loved this one because it surprised me. I had one idea, but it turned out to be another. Sound effects were great as was the uncanny feeling.
Rated: 3.75/5 for low film quality. I don’t know if it’s older or just a lower budget or the effect was intentional, but I feel like the presentation could have been improved.
Oct 3rd – The Maiden
JB: This is a great-looking film, but its lack of answers irritated the piss out of me. The set-up is nothing new but is still interesting – spooky house, threatening events, creepy figure – and the atmosphere was eerie. However, I felt like the climax gave the illusion of structure and sense rather than offering an actual rounded finale or any sort of explanation.
I’ve not got much to say about this one, because the ending fell flat for me. That’s why it gets two surgically removed optic nerves of a possible five.
Rated: 2/5
MvE: Gorgeously shot short with some great, though brief moments that did make me uncomfortable, however too much information was given that should have meant something to the viewer, but didn’t due to lack of time/explanation. I’d love to see a longer version of this idea where both the backstory and the beautiful, crumbling house are further explored.
Rated: 3/5
Oct 4th – Precut Girl
JB: Oh. My. God. This was a killer short movie.
A depressed woman discovers a rather unique element of her physiology, which leads to copious amounts of bloodshed and ghastly imagery – and there’s a LOT to unpack.
The cinematography is… well, it’s pretty much exquisite. I thought it was a Korean movie at first, such were its parallels with some of the most stylish Korean cinema I’ve seen, but it’s a French piece that sits very comfortably in the New French Extremity movement.
Don’t go in expecting anything but heavy, philosophical grimness, but if that’s something you can appreciate then you might be in for a nasty treat.
This one gets four out of five severed toes, plus half the knuckle of the fifth one.
Rated: 4.5/5
MvE: This short perfectly investigates and attempts to elaborate on what it means to lust for something, our selfish use of others to reach that which we seek, and, really, commitment, whether it’s to ourselves or another, or a goal. Stunning and smart cinematography. Dark subject matter.
Rated: 4/5 because I want more, but 5/5 because it was unapologetically bleak as fuck and I love it for that.
Oct 5th – The World Over
JB: A couple discovers an unexpected doorway in their home and explores. Despite slightly stilted acting, there were some fine ideas in this tale and a decent storyline for the most part.
Both of us were a bit frustrated by the climax, but then discussed the possibility of an alternative interpretation that would flip our entire view of the movie on its head. In the end, we agreed that it felt more like a film with some cool ideas that didn’t quite live up to their potential.
Still, there are worse ways to spend 17 minutes than watching this intriguing little story.
Three gutted carcasses out of five.
Rated: 3/5
MvE: Decent budget for cameras and effects and though I had to do a lot of reading into the ending to personally enjoy it more, it’s a unique watch that keeps your attention.
Rated: 3.5/5
Oct 6th – Death Metal
JB: Light on death metal, but heavy on both metal and death – if you know the difference, you know the difference – this one made me very happy. It plays out like an uber-gruesome cross between Tenacious D’s Pick of Destiny and Peter Jackson’s schlockfest Bad Taste.
It doesn’t take itself seriously, and instead fills the screen with hit-and-miss-but-always-entertaining gags and oodles of splatterific gore. Silly, unwholesome fun.
Four scythe-wielding psychos out of five.
Rated: 4/5
MvE: This one made me laugh and cringe with its loads of over-the-top gore. Fans of Deathgasm will appreciate. Equal parts funny and gross.
Rated: 4/5 (I swear I’m not copying you, Jonathan.)
Oct 7th – The Mannequin
JB: Yawn.
I know mannequins and dolls can be creepy, but they’re also cliché. If you aren’t going to do anything different with them – especially when you’re on a list of movies that already contains a far superior mannequin movie – then you’re going to get nothing from me aside from a blown raspberry if you’re British and a razz if you’re American.
I repeat: yawn.
One and a half prolapsed corpse butts out of five.
Rated: 1.5/5
MvE: Jonathan, I think we say raspberry as well…
This short made me laugh, but I don’t know if it was for the right reasons. Awkward acting. I had more questions than answers after it was over, and then a day later I think I maybe figured it out, though I’m still confused. Feels like two friends found a mannequin and a camera and decided to make a short without putting much time or energy into concept or execution.
Cool mannequin though.
Rated: 1/5
